The Fridge

If I have to be honest at any given point in my life it can be now and today and this very moment in writing. My head is rushing and my blood pressure doesn't feel normal. My alarm clock is the sound of skaters in the morning. The songs have been recording are half assed in terms of strength in vocals but take into the consideration that most of these songs have been recorded in my room inspired by lack of sleep and the 90's and nicotine and a weird long slow start to this year.

donuts revisited

the first time i listened to jdilla's donuts was in 2007. Sam and Will were staying at the capri because they wanted to be living in the city and i stayed there one night to eat burgers and get stoned. Justin, being an insomniac, was well fit and plump with inspiration for stories at that motel in the marina district. Will had gone out to sell weed and sam rolled a blunt for us in the bathroom and set up the speakers. Right before he sparked the blunt he put on donuts. 

You know that ecstasy. We all do. When every one of your senses is pierced and you are wholly consumed by not just the music but the moment. 

I remember hallucinating all sort of images with my eyes open, in my mind, lots of video game like scenarios, exploding fireworks, stars, dreams remembers, and when the album was over i couldn't tell if what i had heard was actually in the music or not, that my mind had created an episode from that noise.

the noise.

That's what I try to remind myself during days like these. 

It's about the music.

It's about what comes after the music and what was before it. 

It's a time in my life where I can't ever experience silence. Sometimes I get that feeling, the feeling of silence, like before waking up and perhaps when waking up from alcohol. But the feeling is more like an emptiness that hovers around and about, but unlike a void nothing is missing and the noise is always there, especially in the warehouse and at my mothers when the trains run by, and in the mission when the cars drive and people yell and laugh and cough outside of all those windows. not even in darkness can I find silence like I've tried in forests or in open fields. Still the noise of the all the animals around, and like the waves of the beach at night, exudes the air of a symphony. 

It's been a while since I've been to the symphony but in ways there is one happening anyway.

Henry Miller on the meal, Tropic of Cancer

Walking along the Champs-Elysees I keep thinking of my really superb health. When I say health I mean optimism, to be truthful. Incurably optimistic! Still have one foot in the nineteenth century. I'm a bit retarded, like most Americans. Carl finds it disgusting, this optimism. I have only to talk about a meal, he says, and you're radiant! It's a fact. The mere thought of a meal - another meal - rejuvenates me. A meal! That means something to go on, a few solid hours of work, an erection possibly. I don't deny it. I have health, good solid, animal health. The only thing that stands between me and a future is a meal, another meal.